Part of Me is Elated My Work was Stolen

Kind of an absurd notion, isn’t it?

I should be 100% angry that Google led me to a popular platform where my Straw Bonnet Workbook was available for anyone to download for free.

But, I’m not.

Or, at least the researcher side, the educator side, the social-historian side is not.

Isn’t the goal afer all the digging, piecing together, exploring, trial & error, examining and reexamining….. to share the discoveries?

Isn’t the ideal to be able to share knowledge freely?

Part of me is happy to know someone found my work interesting enough to think, “other people need to read this.” Someone thought my work useful enough to think.”Other people need to read this.”

Shouldn’t I be happy that someone thought my work should be shared with others?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if it were as simple as that?

I wish I lived a life where I could freely share all of my work; where I could research to my heart content and share what I write freely, each of my research books, each of my workbooks, each of my patterns. How great would it be to send off a free pattern to every historic site interpreter who needed to make a warm winter hood for themselves? Imagine what it would be like if I could send an accurate straw bonnet to each reennactor wanting to improve their impression. Ask any of my past event assistants whose job it was to stop me from giving too much away at events.

I truly wish I lived a life where I could freely share my work.

But, I don’t.

My work is my livelihood.

My millinery work, including my publications, is a significant portion of my income. It pays for my rent, my utlities, my food. I don’t live an extravagant life. If you ask my friends and colleagues, they will likely tell you I don’t even live an average life in terms of expenses. When I cut expenses because I don’t meet my sales goals, I am cutting my groceries, allergen free soap or moisturizer, or other things many would consider essential needs.

So, while part of me is elated someone wanted to share my work for free with the world. Another part of me is sad that I can not.

Instead, I speed sew through the weekends despite my hands hurting and needing to rest. I put aside my personal goals to make another hat for the shop. I push off going for a much needed walk so I can sew just a few more hours. I have bedtime panics about paying bills and spending hours trying to think about how I can write faster, sew faster, and promote my work more.

So, while part of me is elated, someone wanted to share my work for free. Another part of me is angry that I have to work so hard just to keep my head above water.

Thanks for listening.

(Not bad for typing in the dark.)