If I Had My Own Blue Box:

     Do not speak loud and long in company. This is a fault that young people are liable to commit. In the exuberance of their spirits, the voice is often raised to a high key, and some favorite topic is extended to an immoderate length, to the exclusion of all other conversation. This habit should be strictly guarded against. Those who indulge in it are liable to utter many things ridiculous and absurd, and to lay themselves open to the just censure of the wise and prudent. Loud laughter is also impolite, and is considered by many as an indication of an empty mind. I would by no means banish sociability and pleasantry from the friendly circle. But there should be a proper medium observed. The good sense of youth should teach them not to surpass, in these respects, certain bounds prescribed by propriety.

In a mixed company, avoid, if possible, all contentions and disputes, especially on exciting topics. If carried to any extent, they lead to exhibition of improper feelings, and generally cause the disputants, and the whole company, to become unhappy. There may be cases where this rule should be departed from; but such instances are extremely rare. As a general practice, the rule should be strictly adhered to.

Do not permit yourself, in company, to speak disrespectfully of one who is absent, if you can consistently avoid it. This practice is not only impolite, but it is ungenerous and unjust. If it becomes necessary to express opinions derogatory to the character fo the absent, speak in guarded language and with all the palliations that charity and forgiveness can suggest.

Avoid any exhibitions of anger or petulance. There are impolite and immodest especially so in females. They throw you off your guard, cause you to utter expressions extremely improper, and often ridiculous, and place you in circumstances very unpleasant. A guard should be placed upon the temper. Nothing is more to be avoided than the outbreakings of rage. Under their influence, evils are often committed, for which a whole after life of propriety can hardly atone.

Be cautious not to interrupt others when speaking. This plainly indicates a want of good breeding; and yet it is a very common practice with many. However anxious you may be to utter your views, remain silent until those who are speaking have concluded. Respect to them, and a desire to avoid confusion, as well as the rules of propriety, dictate a strict adherence to this precaution.

Do not bluntly deny the truth of the opinions expressed by those with whom you are conversing; and more especially if they are aged, or their opportunities for obtaining information have been superior to yours. If you differ from them, express your views in modest and respectful language, and with due deference to their mature experience. You should rather express the propriety of a different opinion than pertinaciously assert it.

Never indulge in ridiculing others in company. It is a vulgar and ungenerous practice, and indicates a narrow, uncultivated mind. All have their weaknesses and imperfections, – even those who possess the most shining talents, have their blemishes. “But what an absurd thing it is to pass over all the valuable characteristics of individuals, and fix our attention on their infirmities; to observe their imperfections more than their virtues, and to make use of them for the sport of others rather than for our own improvement.” “The littlest feeling of all, it is the delight in contemplating the littleness of other people.” Persons addicted to ridicule, are not usually distinguished for their own wisdom or good sense. Like critics who cut up a good publication, without being able to produce one themselves worth reading, so those most given to the ridicule of others, are themselves generally deficient in many of the valuable characteristics of human nature. “If the talent of ridicule where employed to laugh men out of vice and folly it might be of some use to the world; but, instead of this, we find that it is generally made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking every thing that is solemn and serious, decent and praiseworthy, in human life.” If young people must indulge in ridicule, I pray to you act upon the reverse of this observation. Let your talent of ridicule be exercised only against immoral and vicious practices; against pride, folly, and every species of extravagance and sin.

Avoid ridiculing others on account of their appearance, or their plainness of dress. Some are naturally more awkward in their demeanor than others; and any ridicule on that account, will be at the expense of your good sense, in the eyes of the discriminating. All tastes do not agree in regard to dress. You claim the liberty of arraying yourself in such habiliments and style as your fancy dictates. You should be willing to grant the same privilege to others; and should no more imagine that you have the right of ridiculing them for not following your taste, then they have of ridiculing you for not imitating theirs. And by all means avoid ridiculing those, who, from poverty are unable to appear in attire as costly or as fashionable as that of the community in general. This is a cruel, ungenerous, unmanly practice. It is not only impolite, but it is really inhuman. It displays a selfish spirit, a shallow mind, and a heart devoid of the gentler susceptibilities of our nature. No individual, male or female, can justly lay the least claim to politeness of generosity, who exhibits a feeling so mean and brutal. Instead of basely indulging in the ridicule of the poor, you should be inclined to drop the tear of pity over their misfortunes, to commiserate their condition, to soothe them, and to reconcile them to their situations; and if possible, to do something, or to say something, that will shed a few rays of enjoyment into their hearts. Individuals possessing true politeness, will exhibit towards people in low circumstances, as to poverty, none but emotions of a kind, humane, generous character. And they will not judge of their worth by their poverty. But looking beyond the outward circumstances, to the qualities of the heart, they will honor and commend integrity, virtue, and purity, as readily when clothed in worn and humble garments, as when “arrayed in purple and fine linen.”

We will now briefly examine the affirmative of this subject, and notice a few characteristics that pertain to politeness. I have once remarked, that true politeness is an exhibition, through outward signs and tokens, of kind and friendly emotions towards those in your presence. Or, in other words, politeness is a desire to make those around you happy. A disposition to be pleasant and agreeable, therefore, is one of the first requisites of politeness. It is impossible for those who are morose and ill-tempered, to be polite. They may assume the outward form, the shadow, but the spirit of true politeness will be wanting. If, from misfortune, disappointment, vexations, difficulties, or illness, your feelings are in an unhappy or irritable state, you had far better refrain from mingling in company, while such is your condition, than to make others wretched by a display of your ill feelings. Strive, therefore, while you are in company, to be good-humored, cheerful, kindly disposed. With these feeling in full activity, you cannot well avoid being polite. And it is encouraging to know that, with every effort to entertain and exhibit these emotions, they will increase in stability and extent, until they become a second nature, and habitually pervade you minds.

Gratitude is another ingredient of politeness. What can appear more dishonorable or selfish, than an insensibility to proffered kindness? What more ill-bred or impolite? The uncultivated boor will, under the dictation of nature, return thanks for favors. And it surely becomes those who would improve their manners, not to be unmindful of this subject. Every attention which you receive from others, is an indication of the kindness which they cherish towards you. In this light they should be received and properly acknowledged.

Always attend to those who address you, and give due heed to their remarks. Inattention in this respect, is exceedingly rude, and indicates a lack of good breeding. Do not frequently change your posture by rising up, or sitting down, or walking about while another is speaking to you. It will be construed into a neglect of their words, or a desire to avoid their conversation. Whispering, and holding private discourse in company, is very improper and impolite.

Respect to the aged is another trait of politeness. It is extremely indecorous to make those advanced in years the subject of ridicule, derisions, or laughter. Gray hairs should ever be treated with deference and respect. The aged have long borne the burdens of life. They have administered to the welfare of society, and to the prosperity and enjoyment of those who are now young. It becomes your duty, as the palsy of age creeps upon them, incapacitating them for active duties and labors, to honor and reverence them, to cherish and support them, and to render the “downhill of life” as pleasant and agreeable as possible. No sight is more delightful than to behold the young assiduously engaged in respectful attentions to the aged; while there is no greater lack of politeness, no plainer indication of an unfeeling heart, than to treat the aged with neglect, disrespect, or harshness.

(Publication information: J.M. Fletcher: Nashua, N.H. 1850)